blind joke =.=

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pw is zzz.

In the real working world, i am quite sure, there wont be word limit.



Frustrated?



Stuck like them?

I have no conclusion.

To feel less depressed, invest another minute of your life on this.



I still have no conclusion.

Testifying

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university.
Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. “You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
“Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in.
All except the late student, who continued writing.
An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class.
He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.”No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.”
The student looked incredulous and angry. “Do you know who I am?”
“No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
“Do you know who I am?” the student asked again in a louder voice.
“No, and I don’t care.” replied the professor with an air of superiority.
“Good,” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Y2K Program

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.

As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'

The Poor Arab

A fleeing taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?
The Jewish man replied, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only 150. This one goes very nicely with your robes.
The Arab shouted, You idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!
OK, said the old Jew, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?
I found it all right, rasped the Arab. But your brother wont let me in without a tie.

Sum Wan & Sori

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?
Mr. Sori : Yes u could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Mr. Sori : You are now talking to someone! Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent!
Mr. Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! but what's this urgent matter about?
Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Abely Wan is going to the hospital.
Mr. Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!!!
Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?
Mr. Sori : I'm Sori.
Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
Mr. Sori : I'm Sori!!
Lee Sum Wan : I don't like your tone of voice Mr. and I don't care, give me your name!
Mr. Sori : Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori!!
I'm SORI!!! You didn't even give me your name!
Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy!

To the entire class chionging for PW.

I wont say Jia you, because i dont see the point of sprinting on.
I would instead say, dont give up.

It may seem zzz, to be doing PW at this point, but just dont give up.
We will run on as a class =)

We wont sprint, we will run.

To encourage you all, here s something.

Fast & Furious--singapore style.

hey all..this is an email i received..thot it was pretty funnie..rmb to keep the song TOKYO DRIFT in ur head as u read/sing this..enjoy (:

This song is super funny loh............ LOL! :)
*TURN ON YOUR SPEAKER!! FUNNY!!
Listen to the music and look at the lyrics at the same time...*

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Ang Mo Kio
Go to city many gantry
Can't afford your speed too low
Fast and furious! (Kena!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Slow is dangerous (Aiyah!)(beep! beep! beep!)

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Toa Payoh
Please lah tolong, only Lorong
Not Expressway also tio!
Fast and furious! (Kena!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Spread like virius! (Aiyah!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Many many taxes danglin
ERP now is randomin
Keep your speed above 45
Or everybody Cashcard won't survive!
Suka suka ERP on
Happy happy gantry can born
16 new ways to gope your lui
See already want to pui!

Gahmen say take MRT
Cos car is only luxury
Build the road for Fellari
Normal car will up lorry
Ji Pa Ban (uh!), Ichiban (uh)
No million dollars you Lan Lan
CTE is the place to be
Singapore road for VIP

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Ang Mo Kio
Reach work early, at 5.30
Spend three hours drink teh-o
Can't be seraious! (wah lau!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Live like vampires(ouch!) (beep! beep! beep!)

I wonder if you know,
Where the gantry never grow
Where the lorry Never worry
Travel freely where you goPulau Bukom! (Don't have!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Pulau Tekong (Huat ah!) (beep! beep! beep!)

--yogam (: --